Iluminada

In the fall of 2014, I was feeling energized and excited for all of the possibilities and ideas that I was receiving. Concurrently, I was also feeling slightly challenged by the amount of ideas, so I did what I know to do when I am conflicted: I prayed a looooottttt for “the idea” that would reflect my intentions,  the most logical way that I could realistically help those in need in Honduras.

This was really me back then (late 2014) goofing around, but the praying was real.

Until that point, although I had felt sufficiently inspired and fulfilled professionally and spiritually, the lack of connection between these two areas was starting to be more perceptible in my life. As I reflected, it always came back to the same thing: I am a humanitarian, I care about others’ wellbeing. I don’t just care about getting patted in the back for an excellent job or being great at ____________ (fill in the blank) something.

As the news from Honduras seemed to be going from bad to terrible, any feeling of accomplishment in my life was rapidly diminishing. I reached a tipping point when I learned of the murder of María José Alvarado Muñoz (19 July 1995 – 13 November 2014), Miss Honduras World 2014 who was also scheduled to compete at the Miss World competition in London. She was killed along her sister by her sister’s boyfriend, a known narco.  

Maria Jose Alvarado, 19

I felt really devastated and horrified.  For days I cried and prayed for an answer for how I could help. People in Honduras suffer and die every day due to hunger (most commonly), lack of opportunity (joining gangs, etc.)  and violence (drug traffic, impunity, political polarity etc.). I realized, perhaps I could do something to address hunger and lack of opportunity. While violence seemed a more complicated and harder issue to address, my hope is that by addressing hunger and lack of opportunity, violence will also diminish overtime.  Then, the illumination came: I was going to help women and girls in Honduras get educated. Why? Well, because they are mothers, and if they have education, so will their children. 

Around this time, I also began hormonal fertility treatment (s).  While these have yet been successful, in retrospect I feel that perhaps, in all my praying I had been granted a different kind of baby.  Can one person make a difference? The answer in my heart is yes.   Although my mind sometimes says I am crazy.  My struggle is constant and real. 

Me late 2014. The Struggle of Fertility Treatments, Real!